This concept was introduced to me as "run the dishwasher twice" and was an important part of my executive functioning recovery as well as my path to self-acceptance.
mucho texto i know but i wanted to write a lil thing about how u can treat yourself nice!!
It's been about a year since I posted this, and in that time, I've secured legal aid, filed for divorce, graduated with distinction in programming, returned to office work, and handled mountains of paperwork. Every day, I just do what I can manage today, however I can manage it. And that's enough. It also built a pattern for radical acceptance and reduced my anxiety, because the more you think "what do I have the power to change" and forgive yourself of the things you just can't handle now (or ever), the more you teach your brain to seek your agency instead of spiraling on the unchangeable. Then, when I stopped focusing on "but this is wrong (and I may not be able to fix it)", that was the start of solving my people-pleasing tendencies, because I'd been protecting my need to rest, and that dovetails into resolving the need to fix everyone's problems to feel like I'm a valid person. THAT gave me the skills to manage my ex, because that willingness to say "I don't have to fix everything for you, I just have to fulfill my own needs and obligations" let me adopt a new pattern where I don't try to convince her to be reasonable, I just build my life to endure her being unreasonable. Which poetically comes full circle, because it was that "if it's not perfect then you did it wrong" mentality - from both my ex and my mother - that had contributed to my executive dysfunction in the first place. I granted myself grace and patience I hadn't received, and it made all the difference. If you see yourself in any of my story: You are enough. You deserve to be human and imperfect. You deserve kindness, especially from yourself. Focus on making progress, in any form, in any amount. Allow rest when you feel compressed. Progress is growth. Rest is repair. You've got this. // It came to my attention - after I did the one-year recap - that folks were misunderstanding the story as happening to me. I take responsibility for the "this is how it was introduced to me" wording. It was unattributed when I first read it, but someone was kind enough to find the original source.
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